Medium Picks From Your Editors History Based on Your Network Reading

When logged in to Medium.com I was presented with a curated feed of 54 headlines titled, "Medium Editors Picks From Your Network Based on Your Reading History." I copied the headlines and rearranged the words to create these new and improved headlines. No words were added or deleted. The only liberties taken were with punctation and a couple of plural/singular changes by moving the final 's' from one word to another.

Advice: Don’t Bring Back The Ice-Cream Stand

The Likelihood of Happiness Almost Derailed My Future

20 Lessons to Be a Profound Dad at Early Birth

The Power of Having Heard of You at 6

Want to Get Healthier? Hack Your Five Color Senses

Handwriting Versus a Good SaaS

Help The San Francisco Breastfeeding Cult tweeted

The Challenge to Define the Runs

Your Indistractable Brain: The 14 Consequences of Screens

Should You Stop Asking Your Boss to Manage Your Masturbation Strategy?

Apple Explains Everything You Need to Know About it’s Domino’s

Why it’s Time to be Computing from Uranus

How “The Apple Logo” is the Least Interesting Book I’m Reading

You’ll Have to Give to Abortion For Science

The Most Dangerous Fantasy Across the Years

Pride Chromebook App Promotes an Anti-Apple Crisis

Americans’ Good Habits Will Help You, Britain

Facebook Board of Directors is from Venus

Where To Splash Water to Receive a Six-Figure Job

My Advice for Parenting: Beware Free Advice

An Open Petition That Protects Elton John from a Big Cancer

The Kink of Silicon and Robots: a Most Interesting Event at San Francisco

The Future Figures of Google in 400 Rejected Titles

Trump: Liberals Sexism is Inversely Proportional to Constitutional Indistractability Law

An Unsavory Wealth of Kids Spells an End of the Marketing Generation

How Will People Around the World Breakup with Sleep-Tracking?

Mexican Grandmother Asking for Things is Why I Learned to Diet

You Are the Weirdest Invention of Today

Breathing Floral Steam is Bad for the People I Sleep On

Brittany Speech on Campsites is Better Than My Partner’s Story

Online Dancer Left the Weirdest Shit at the Reservation

How the Worst News Will Break Online Barriers

Why 88 Years of IT Predictions are Not Really Startups

2020 Person of the Year Announced and It’s You

Seven Contrapoints to the Prime Being

How a Tiny Heart Could be Responsible for an Orgasmic Soul

How the Dying Perceive Dating Older People

I’m Gaining Psychological Weight to Breakup with a Madman

Meet the Latest Disease to Get a Company Job

Gay Senior Yet to Come Out (at Work)

How AI Shame Distinguishes It from Us

Oscar Zara Wants a Sugar X-Plainer Marathon at The International Bootcamp of Health

Illustration Windows Are Ruining More Than Eyes

You’re Gaining Developer Experiences for Debt

Old Scammers Guide to Interviewing for Target

This Learned Skill Intimidates the Best Gym Thief

What Does “Layering It On” Mean?

Who Started the Lumen Culture?

How I Plunged Into Tamal Valley In August

The Matter of Repealing Unicorn Science

What Card Apps Can Do for a Loss

You Actually Only Need Part 3 of the Next Startup Era

How and When to Talk About a Huge Tamale

Have I Learned Way Too Much to Build a Better Jewel?

The original headlines:

Medium Editors Picks From Your Network Based on Your Reading History

Bring Back Handwriting: It’s Good for Your Brain

The Most Interesting Things Apple Announced at its Least Interesting Event

‘Brittany Runs a Marathon’ Promotes a Weight Loss Fantasy

The Science of Masturbation

The Profound Power of Breathing

The Most Dangerous Anti-Abortion Strategy Yet is Gaining Steam

I’m from Venus, My Dad is from Uranus

The Apple Card Explains Everything You Need to Know About Apple Today

Want to Get Healthier? Hack Your Five Senses.

The Cult of the Domino’s Logo

The Likelihood of You Having Heard of the Book I’m Reading is Inversely Proportional to the…

Lessons Learned from More Than 20 Years of Asking About Americans’ Online News Habits

An Open Petition to the San Francisco Pride Board of Directors

Why You Should Stop Asking for Parenting Advice On Facebook

‘Madman Across the Water’: Tiny Dancer and a Big Splash for Elton John

The Challenge to Define Happiness

Liberals Beware: Repealing a Law That Protects Free Speech Online Will Only Help Trump

Google Wants the Chromebook to be the Future of Computing

To Give Advice is Better Than to Receive Advice

Sugar, Heart Disease and Cancer: an Unsavory Story of Wealth Versus Health

How to Get Started with Illustration (Part 3)

Eyes are the Window to a Robot’s Soul

Contrapoints Spells the End of an Era for Lefttube

How People Perceive Color Around the World

Why I Left a Six-Figure Job to Build a Breakup Bootcamp

What Distinguishes Us from AI?

I Learned the Consequences of Gay Shame at 14

Screens are the Latest Invention Not Ruining Kids

What is ‘Layering,’ and Does It Mean You’re Bad at Your Job?

How to Manage Your Boss

Next Generation Marketing Will Have to Break Huge Psychological Barriers

Rejected Titles

Way Too Early 2020 Oscar Predictions

Why It’s Time to Breakup with Zara

Mexican X-Plainer: Tamal Vs. Tamale

The Ice-Cream Stand

The Weirdest Shit to Come Out of Silicon Valley In August

The Seven People You’ll Meet at a San Francisco Gym

How Much Does Diet Matter When You’re Breastfeeding?

Could I be Responsible for My Partner’s Debt?

How to Talk to the Person Who Intimidates You at Work

The How-to Guide for Indistractability

Do Sleep-Tracking Apps Actually Help You Sleep Better?

Lumen, the Dating App for Older People, is a Prime Target for Scammers

How Sexism Almost Derailed My Floral Startup

The Science of Kink

Can You Really Have an Orgasmic Birth?

I Spent 6-Figures On a Dying SaaS Company

This 88-Year-Old Grandmother Was an International Jewel Thief

Campsites Where You Don’t Need a Reservation

‘Unicorn Culture at its Best’: the Weirdest Experiences Interviewing at Startups

How to be a Good Senior Developer

How Britain Plunged Into its Worst Constitutional Crisis In 400 Years

Being ‘Indistractable’ Will be the Skill of the Future

The original headlines…