That Time (14) It Ain’t Over Until It’s Over

Writing without an editor can lead to dumb shit like, “deep writing.” That was painful to re-read. Sorry about that. It was a lazy way to say that writing can sometimes be hard, especially when writing about trauma. Content Warning: This episode contains a…

That Time (13) I Dissemble That Insinuation!

I’m sure he loved me but I never felt the kind of fatherly love a boy is supposed to know. He wasn’t capable of expressing it. By the time he tried, I was in my forties. I grew fond of him in his later…

That Time (12) Who Am I This Time?

My life is not all misery and woe. On the contrary, I have a happy, privileged and blessed life. Sure, I have endured a lot. I have struggled, especially emotionally. I have had countless failings. Made a lot of mistakes. Hurt some people and…

That Time (11) We Aren’t Even at Weird Yet

Frankie’s death, in 1999, was the last occasion for my family to gather. I’ll never forget standing in the living room at Ethel’s (and Frankie’s) house after the memorial. I looked at the seven of us and thought, “Frankie was the first of us…

That Time (9) There’s No Nice Way to Tell This

The way Frankie killed himself was cruel. The act itself is inherently cruel to loved ones but he did something that was diabolically clever. For most of his 41 years, Frankie lived with Ethel. I find that incomprehensible. He was the first of us…

That Time (8) Hypnosis Meet HypnaGogy

I’m thinking of a song. You know this song. Everyone does. Some of you already think you know the song I’m thinking of. This is because most memories are recalled by association. The third sentence of this paragraph has an implied meaning: that the…

That Time (6) Opening

The only artifact I have from my childhood is a deck of Tarot cards I acquired when I was 14. I didn’t share my interest in Tarot with anybody back then. It was just something I explored by myself whenever I had a chance…

That Time (5) Instant Trauma is Gonna Get You

Ethel. Born Ethel Marie Jennings in 1933. Sometime in the 70’s she began using the name Marie. She claimed Marie as part of her healing journey. Ethel was the little girl who was sexually abused by three older brothers. Ethel was the meek, timid,…

That Time (4) Running Into Myself

I attended an online writing class this morning (Thanks Roz) and one of the prompts resulted in this short episode. It surprised me how easily this came because I’ve never written about this memory before. I’m including it here because it feels like a…

That Time (02) Playing With Fire

stories about our childhoodknown to be trueeven if we don’t believememory is oursor notthe way memory works killing blacksnakes from a boatin the pond behindart’s corner storeyellow greendill picklescrisp tart and perfectthirty three cent smokesmars bar under our belthe caught us the first timewouldn’t…

That Time (01)

(Some names in this story have been changed, some have not.) I was taking a break in a writing class when I decided to google my childhood rapists. I was 60 years old and it had never occurred to me to do that before.…