the dark web

i’m lucky that it happened so long ago. i was lucky before the internet. cameras existed including polaroid instants but they weren’t present at that time. the only images of my abuse are fading in the aging brains on which they’re stored. there were five of them — brains not pictures. three abusers one witness and one victim. that i know of. at the moment. back then. there could be more. abusers witness victims incidents. that i am able to recall. if those words make you pause or wonder don’t. i’m vague because.

true crime magazines exist. existed. true crime photographs. dark. stark. prurient. i liked them. to be scared. to want to know. to look. it was an innocent time. it was never an innocent time. it was before the internet. it created the internet. children can’t do porn. children can’t do prostitution. stories of kidnapping. stories of murder. stories of fear.

prurient (adjective)
obscene material deals with sex in a manner appealing to prurient interest salacious licentious voyeuristic lascivious lecherous lustful lewd libidinous lubricious depraved debauched degenerate dissolute dissipated rare concupiscent.

what do these have in common: a rusty metal swingset; a black and white photograph depicting child torture; a ufo magazine?

because specifics however much you may want them have no significance.

because there are holes in my brain.

because they don’t fucking matter.

because believe the children.

i know this now. of the aforementioned five brains there at least three gone. dead. erased.

i’m lucky that my brain has mechanisms for self-preservation. even if the backups are unreadable.

most of you want to know. specifics. details. mostly you want to be able to categorize and label things but there are a few among you who get off on the explicits. not so few. if 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men have been sexually abused usually as children there are a lot more perpetrators among you than any of you wants to admit.

society is made up of two six three four five groups of people:

  1. the exploiters the cruel the evil the rapists the killers
  2. their victims some of whom are also
  3. the transcenders the warriors the heroes the survivor saviors
  4. the enablers the accomplices the chicken shits
  5. the willful blind the damaged the incapable
  6. the naive the ignorant the innocent
  7. the dead

welcome to the dark web. it is everywhere. if you’re not caught or a spider you’re a witness.