watched the 2nd episode of #TheThirdMan last night. i was high, and the story mirrors my paranoia, so i was a little... triggered
like how after seeing the movie, #JacobsLaddder, i ended up hyperventilating on the sidewalk
the thing about my #paranoia, is that it was so specific, and consistent, over so many years, that it feels unique, utterly my own
at the same time, the way paranoia manifests, it almost exactly matches standard horror movie story lines and tropes
this is so hard to write/talk about because it defies rationality
paranoia is terrifying, petrifying, but also seductive. it's an attempt to make sense of a world in which almost everything is illusory
it also knows that the end-game, the purpose, of life is... death
we are born in order to die. life is the illusion. death is the only reality. everything else is a lie
meanwhile, #love is the only drug that can save us
but still we must die
(reincarnation is the theory that, until we accept this truth, we will keep coming back to it)
