i am afraid
to be alone with myself
A memoir of recovery from childhood trauma, told through poetry, experimental writing, surrealism, and occasional art and music.
39 posts
to be alone with myself
He steps off the path and into the trees, carefully stepping around briars and broken branches. He continues until he finds a small clearing. He looks back to be sure it’s far enough from the trail to be safe – to be unseen.
He was never really lost.
he never spoke to me again. without explanation, i knew how to say the word. pumiquat. it's not what you think. nor what you expect. it's a secret. i've only told you the part that you're allowed to know
i'm not always sure if a story in the archive is a memory or a dream
Could those human bones we dug up that time have been cursed? Could I have been cursed? Could we have been cursed? We put them back, but maybe that didn’t help. I did everything I could to avoid digging up the bones of my assault.
i was touched by you i was torched by you you put your boot on my face
As we wept—my father and I—I wondered if it was for his friend, after all. I wondered if it was for him. I wonder if it was for me.
The original trauma was birth and everthying that follows is but preparation for the trauma of death. Of letting go of all that we have learned. It is only through remembering that we can die because remembering is to forget.
The thing I remember most about being young is the longing I felt, though I knew not for what.
I believe I am the figment of a little boy’s imagination. He’s trying to imagine himself in the future. In a different future than the one he expects. I am ten years old imaging I am sixty-three.
Is there not rain enough in the sweet heavens, by millions and millions more subpoenas, to wash it white as snow?
he came up on an eagle on a sandbar looking over his shoulder bloody beak dripping with dead cormorant...